It is 2 in the morning and not even 30 minutes ago I was sitting where I am now, being upset because of another persons actions. I don't understand why I do this to myself, I won't ever understand why I get upset because of other peoples choices. Then a random thought came to my head..
When was the last time I actually took a decent shower?
No, this isn't post about how I need to do better hygiene. But I realized, I only take bathes or short showers. I haven't actually just spent time in the shower and just washed things away. I put away the computer, I turned off that depressing music, and made myself get up when instead I know I rather just sit there and question everything. I looked at myself in the mirror, and asked myself..
"Has it always been like this? Why have I always done this to myself?"
I noticed, I looked tired, which doesn't make much sense because I sleep a lot. I looked sick & pale, which I am pale and I have a little cold, but it looked nasty, like I didn't want to look at myself. I haven't realized it, and apparently putting a smile on in front of other people worked well because nobody ever said a word to me about it. I wanted that to change, right there.
You can make that change anytime in your life. You don't need some life or death moment as I thought for many years to make you realize how great or blessed your life really is. You just need as little has 30 minutes and a shower to realize that it's not as bad as you have it out to be. I have people daily that tell me that they love me, and I kick them to the curb because honestly, I've been a twat (if my parents read this, sorry, but it's true and you know it is.) I've had a bad look on everything possible, and I'm sick of it. I want change, I want happiness, and most of all I want people to stop telling me what I can't and can not do to get to that happiness.
While taking that shower I decided to wash all the bad stuff away. Nothing that is affecting my life in a good way. People, Places, Things, and Thoughts. If you don't hear from me much anymore, this is your sign. You wasn't there to help me along my journey anymore, and that is your choice and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm just moving on, to better myself and the people around me that is wanting to stay along for the ride.
Life has a funny way of showing you that you're better than this. Better than laying in bed in a messy room, and waking up with a awful headache. I know I'm much more than this. I didn't write this post to get pitty, or for the 'shares.' But in a way I did, because I want other people to see this, to realize that we're in this together, and we can do it with no problem. Like I've always said to people that came to me with sadness, Happiness is a choice that only you can make.
I'm making that choice.
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